Feminist Bioshock
by FEMINISTANDPROUD
Summary: Politically correct rewrite of this bigoted piece of garbage game named Bioshock. [Genderswap] In 1960, a young, proud feminist survives a plane crash and ends up at a mysterious lighthouse housing a strange looking submarine. Can she survive the horrors that lurk beneath the sea? TRIGGER WARNING: CONTAINS DEPICTIONS OF RAPE AND MISOGYNY
1. chapter 1 down the rabbit hole

Feminist Bioshock

or

Jaclyn's Adventures in Rapture

or

bioshock me virgin

(Edit: Me povv redder diesited to not only porvv red me storee but also me a/n's)

a/n First off, I want to introduce myself. My name is Astrid Erikkson, I'm a big fan of Anita Sharkeesian, and a proud feminist who believes womyn need to be more representeddededed in vidya gaems. Frankly, I don't play vidya gaems, but since I want to become a vidya delevop so I can spread our message aboot womyns rights. Plus my mysogginistic brother mansplained to me that I need to play vidya before so I can be 'familiarized' with the industry. In other words, he expects womyn to do all the work! Misogynistic pig, just like all men.

So he gave me a copy of this extremely biggotededed game called Bioshock. Anita Sharkeisha was right, vidya are sexyst! After playing it, I was traumatized by how much bigotry there was, so much so that I now have to visit a therypist. (I don't spell it like 'therapist' because it looks like the word, 'rapist') SO YEAH, FUCK YOU, KEN LEVINE! I SHOULD NOT ONLY SUE YOU, BUT ALSO 2K FOR WHAT YOU FUCKERS DID TO ME! OHUZSDFGL;JHGRZAS;GSZ;ZG Okay, I'm done. So after playing through this violence-against-women simulat-I mean, 'game', I decided to write my own version that's more progressive, diverse and less offensive. Get with the times, assholes. Hope you like it. And remember, don't flame it, or you a bigot.

a/n 2 sorries that me spelling and grammers was bad, engrish is not fist language cuz me from sweden!

a/n 3 TRIGGER WARNING THIS FIC CONTAINS MYSOGGYKNEE, RAPE, SEXISM, RACISM, HOMOPHOBIA, TRAINSPHOBIA MANSPLAINING, MANSPREADING, AND FUCKING MEN PIGS!

Chapter 1: Down the Rabbit Hole. (Ew, not that way you pervs!)

My name is Jaclyn, (NOT JACK BECAUSE NOT HAVING A WOMYN AS A LEAD PLAYER CHARACTER IS MISOGYNISTICAL AND SEXIST!) and my mom told me that I was special and that I was born to do great things. Not my dad though, because he's a misogynistic pig! AAAAAAANYWAY SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN, she was right. Now I was on a plane in 1960. That was like, the worst time to be a womyn because it was really sexy back then! Anyway, I was on a plane, and those misogynistic engines decided two choke out and the plane crashed in the ocean and every one died! Except for me of course, because I'm a womyn.

I was drowning in the ocean because the sexist water was trying to rape my lungs, but luckily for me me was able to swim to a very scary looking lighthouse. me was cold so me deside to taek shellter in lighthose. when me went in me the saw the lights turn on me saw big room with lights turn on and me saw this big statues of this misogynistic looking man pig shitlord! with this big red banner in say yellow riding:

"NO GODS OR KINGS. ONLY MAN."

'My Goddess' i say 'Did he just say 'kings and man instead of monarch and people!? THAT'S SEXISTS!' me were triggers

me try to tear down banner but me sexist arms were too short. me try to jump but gravity was being sexist as usual so i gave him the bird and proceed down the stares and got into this big spear shape sub. (that mean submarine not sub as in sandwich) and cloths door. me pull lever and the sub submergged down into ocean. than old progection screan lit up amd a picture of the same shitlord from statue cam up. he was in an armchare and smocking a pipe!

'OH MY GOD, THAT PIPE IS A SYMBOL OF THE PATRIARCHY!'

I bellowed, before hearing a voice mansplain.

"I am Andrew Ryan, and I have a question for you. Is a man not entitled to the sweat of his brow? 'No', says the man in-"

'OMFG' me screemed 'he still use male pronouns! FUCK YOU SHITLORD!'

''No', says the man in Moscow, 'it belongs to everyone.''

'But communism is awesome!' I interupted again 'Everyone get paid equal!'

a/n SHOUT OUT TO KARL MARX! HOPE YOU'RE READING THIS! YOU'RE MY HERO!

'Would you let me finish my badass, pre-recorded introduction aboot Rapture? This is really important and epic!' the shitlord mansplained.

'Ugh, fine' I groined.

'I rejected all of this bullshit and decided to choose something different. I chose the impossible. I chose... RAPTURE! Dun dun dun!'

and the progestion screen move away to show a misogynistic looking city.

'yawn' i said 'a city at the bottom of ocean. ridiculous'

'OH FUCK U!' mansplained the shitlord 'ANYWAY a city where the artist would not fear the censors. Where the scientist would not be bound by petty morality. Where the big would not be constrained by the small. And the sweat of your brow, Rapture can be your city as well'

'BLAH BLAH BLAH! STOP MANSPAINING ME KNOW ABOUT RAPTURE M PLAYYED THE GAME!' ME SCREEM

'THEN THE FUCK DIDN'T YOU SAY SOMETHING!?'

'FUCK THIS!'

i was board and tire of his mansplaining so i turn off the audio.

'GLAD THAT SHIT OVER'

ME WAS (oh sorry forgot to turn off capslock) me was floating thrugh the city and whent thru the circular looking docking bay and to the entrance.

then me herd this sexy voice from the radio next to me.

'that light house is lit up like hell fire. Looks like a plane crash.'

'A plane?' said another voice 'Awesome, your plan worked, Fon-!'

'STFU I THINK SHE CAN HEAR US' the first voice shouted.

'Oh, sorry Fon- I mean, Atlas!' replied the other voice, I meant, gwhat r u talking aboot? we r in the middle of the atlantic ocean! how could-'

'OMFG I KNOW RIGHT? NOW GET UR ASS OVER THERE AND BE QUICK ABOOT IT!'

da door opened me whent in when da water rolled of me could see this pitful locking misogynistic looking man pig being attack by a spider woman!'

'No.. please' he whimpers like a little bitch because he's a man and all men are pussies LOL 'don't kill me, I'm just an innocent pathetic little bitch of man plz!'

she didn't lissen and she slit his trout with her meat hook and he dead

'YOU GO GURLLLLL!' I cheered.

'Is it someone new?' she asked.

'Nah, I've a played this vidya before.' That was me who said that btw.

'Oh ok' she replied and walked away.

'JOHNNY!' the same sexy sonding man (not man pig cause he's sexy). He has sexy irish accents and that mayd my

'GOD DAMN SPLOICERS!' he screamed cause he was angry that the spider sploicer killed his man pig friend.

'Why you angry?' I asked.

'BECAUSE THEY KILL JOHNNY AND NOW HE DEAD' the sexy AF man said

'who johnny' me said

'THE GUY YOU SAW DIE JUST NOW!' he screamed.

'Who?'

'Oh fuck it' he face palm 'I'm Atlantis and I'm here to keep you alive.

Then I became enraged 'FUCK U ME NO NEED MAN TO MANSPLAIN ME HOW TWO GET ALIVE! ME WOMYN!'

'Ow, moi fooking ears! Ok I'm sorry. Also, why do you spell 'women' like that?'

'BECAUSE THAT'S CORECT WAY TWO SPELL IT U SHITLORD!'

'Fuck this. Would you kindly pick up that ham radio next two you.'

'Why u in there?'

'Ryan put me in there because I was naughty because I started a revolution because Ryan was being asshole because Ryan donut give fuck aboot workers and poor because he's the poster child for objectivism and probably mastabates to Ayn Rand nudes.'

'OMFG objectivism soung like objectification as in objectification of womyn! THAT MEANS HE'S PART OF THE GREEDY CAPITALIST PATRIARCHY!' I screamed.

'Uh... I guess?'

'You donut know because you're a man and men are stupid.' I said as I opened the door and walked out of the sub sandwich.

'Ok I can take you to the misogynistic sexist mansplaining shitlord, but first you need to help me.'

'Ok' I said as I walked (not feminine walk cuz that sexist!) around and down hallway, glad that a man was asking a womyn for help because as we all know, all men are helpless, rape loving misogynists.

'I need you to save me familia; me woife Moira and me wee baby Patrice.'

(He's not single? Fuck!)

'OMFG' I screamed, 'FIRST OF ALL, HOW DARE YOU MAKE A WOMYN YOUR 'WIFE', AKA YOUR SLAVE!? DO U MAKE HER COOK AND CLEAN FOR AS WELL!?'

'OW MOI EARS!'

'NOT TO MENTION THAT SHE NEEDS RESCUING! HOW DARE YOU MAKE HER BE A DAMSEL IN DISTRESS! ANITA SHARKEISHA WAS RIGHT THIS VIDYA SEXY AND MYSOGGYKNEESICAL!'HDHSHSHGXBS DBSVDHSBDHXHXBXBXHGDHDVHDHVSHSVHDBDHDHDHDHDUDBDUSBFVDJSBDHD DUDH*punch**punch**punch*

a/n ME CONTINUE THIS LATER IN NEXT CHAPPA BECAUSE ME ANGER RIGHT NOW!

AND DON'T U DARE FLAM THIS OR UR A MISOGYNISTIC SEXIST RACIST HOMOPHOPIC TRANSPHOBIC INSLAMAPHOBIC ANTISEMITIC XENOPHOBIC MANPLAINING MANSPREADING CHRISTIAN REPUBLICAN CAPITALIST BIGGOATED CONSERVATIVE SHITLORD!GEBDHSHVDBS DHUSVSGSHVSVZHHSVSHBDHSH *breaks keyboard*

Fuck, I think I lost a few brain cells writing that.


	2. Chappa i lost count

a/n ok me are soree me flip out tomorrow me were triggered because off all the patriarchy in the west. it very disgust. any way sorree me haven updote tomorrow i was too busy being got force fuck by grope of muslim immigates (NO IT NOT RAPE IF IT A MUSLIM BECUZ THE KORAN IS ABOUT PROTECTING WOMYN!) So yeah me are sorree. some of u misogynistic pigs say me have bad english. if u fuckers check ur goddess damn privilege u would now that me are tryind me best! but me guessed nothing please u so me groin two sent me storee two me friend in englandistan as soon of me can because she better at the english. so yeah, fuck u mother fuckers.

TRIGGER WARNING CONTANESESSE ALL THAT SHIT I METIONED IN LAST CHAPPA!

chappa i lost count

'LASS!' scream hot irish guy name atlantis

'WHAT!?' ripleyed back me

'Been calling u for hours what the hold up'

'soree me was waiting for me - i mean the author to updote the storee'

'ok' he say 'me need to save me family'

'FUCK U SHE NO DAMNSOUL IN DITRESS! SHE CAN HANDLE HERSELF'

'ok maybe ur right'

'FUCK U U NEGLECTFUL MISOGYNISTIC PIG! LEAVING UR OWN WIFE THERE TWO DIE!'

'but u just say-'

'FUCK U U SEXY IRISH PIECE OF SHIT!'

'ok can u save them fore me'

'ok' me say

me walk down hall way an gropped a big pipe wrench because me no need man to tell me an me when throug the hole in the well.

me saw a bunch of goddess damn sploicers that want to rape me. of cowrse they where all men pigs.

'WE NO WANT NO WHORSE AS LEAD CHARACKKER IN VIDYA U DIE NOW AND NOW WE RAP UR CORKPS AFFER THAT!' they growl

'NO CHECK UR PRIVLEDGE U WALKING DILDOS!' me yell and me hit them with wrench

'ow' they say and dead

'graet job lass u did it'

'OMFG DON'T CALL ME LASS THAT IS SEXIST TERM THAT DIGUSTING POTATO EATERS USE WHENT THEY WAN TWO RAP U AN TRIGGERINGS!'

'ok me sorree.'

'what ever'

me then walk two down scare hall and me found room with pastimid d hypo dipenser.

'that electrocutor platmid u need it unlock elect dorrs' the irish hot guy mansplain

'me knowed stfu mansplainer'

me tock pasitmid an ingect into me (ew not that way) and then me was being raped by the elctrick misogynistic gene changer.

'ok ur generic code is being raped so just culm down an everything will be fing'

'FUCK U!' i groin as me slip on shit and fell off ballconny.

'ow' me say

then two evil white cisgender men pig goddess damn spoilers come and see me an say

'YAY IT TIME TWO RAPE!'

they were about two rap me when a biiiiig mother fucker came an rapped them with big ass drill an they fell an dead of aids.

'look mr b it an angel!' said voice of small gurl. me look at her and guess what OMFG SHE SOOOOOOO CUUUUUUTE!

'oh wait she still breeding oh well guess we go find other angels to rape'

the hanson bot groin in reponsed an they both happily fuck off.

me got up an weht two next room

'that little sister she has ADAM for u to use because this evil capitalist mother fucker name fountain thought it be higgarious to put slugs in litte gurls butts so u need to harvest them two use ADAM two use for newg pasimids' he mansplain

me ignore him cents me alreagy know cents me playyed vidya before.

then me walk an kill fuw mor goddamn sploicers (they all men pigs because only men pigs r violante) by cut there penises of and they tern gay an they an were know me friengs an we hung out and smokked eve

then me got board an i kill them then me then me unlock dorr with elect pastimid and got into elvader

then atlantis say 'u probably fell like the most unluckiestededededed woman-'

'WOMYN!'

'Womyn sorre u proggly fell like most unlucyent womyn in the worgd but u need two '

'fuk this' me say an turn of radio becaug me tire off mansplain

an when me go two next floor me get jump by buncgh of godess damn sploicers! an they hag gunns!

'HA U WRNT EGKSPECTING THAT WR U MUTHA FUCKA!'

THEY LAUGH SEXYSTILY

And they shotted me an me dead.

LOL JK

me goed to vital chammer an me got out an lock aroubg for somging two shot with an me sawg babe crattl with big ass gun inside

'fuk yeah' me say in bad ass voice kinda like stevan the seagull

an me then when back two place wre mosoggyknees wgr at

off chorse they did not see me commming becasgu they for got two check ther priviledge an they dead from too much of priviledge

'ha ha' me say

then more shoad up this time with grenades!

'oh noes' me say an shotted at them but me start cry causeme culden hurt them an me were out of gun bullies

'LOLOLOLOLOLOL NOW WE KILL U U CAN'T KILL US BECAUSE NOT ONLY R WE GODDESS DAMN SPLOICERS... WE R GAMERGATORS!'

a/n YEAH FUK U #GAMERGATE

Then me screem an me went two get sofa an then me faint on it.

a/n OH NOES NOW ME CHARRAT IN DEEP SHIT NOW! NOW SHE GROIN TWO GET RAP BY GAMEGATORS!


	3. chappa 3 I think

chappa 3

a/n finny got me freing two proff read this ALLSO TRIGGER WARNING THIS HAVE GROGGTEST RAP SCENE EVER READ AT UR OWN WRIST!

hop u enjoy

i started stirring and opened my eye and saw that i was still in rapture so tried to move . BUT THEN I REALIZED I WAS BEING RAPED IN THE PUSSY AND IN THE ASS BY TWO GAMER GATORS AND THEY WHERE LAUGHING WHILE ANOTHER WAS RECORDING WITH HIS IPHONE!

'OMFG LCK SRSLY WTF U GUYS !' ME SCREEM SO LOUD

'LOL' THEY SAY BECAUSE THEY WHERE GOING TO UP LOAD TO YOUTUBE

BUT THEN THA DOOR BURST OPEN AND IT WAS... ANITA SARKEESIAN! HOLDING AN RPG

'YAY!' I SAID CAUSE I WAS HAPPY THAT ANITA CAME TO MY RESCUE.

and she shot all off then with rpg and they exploded and it flooded the entire city and everyone drowned except for me and anita because we are womyn.

'OMFG IT ANITA SHARKEISHA' I said and she pull me up

(ANOTHER SHOWT OUT TWO ANITA SHARKEESIG UR MY IDOL!)

'we having fun yet' she said

'OMFG UR MY HERO!' I said hugging her

'ew get away from me you have man cooties'

'ok sorry' and i let got off her. 'what r u doing here'

'because you put me in the story, stupid'

'oh that explains it'

'jacklyn...' she whispered in dramatic wise old sage voice

'YOU ARE THE CHOSEN ONE!'

'OMFG WHAT!?' i shouted quietlyI

'Yes you must defeat the shitlord andrew ryan like in the prophecy because he is the leader of #gamergate. he wants to use all of the misogyny in the world to enslave all women and turn them into his personal haram.

'wow that sucks' i said

'OMFG I KNOW RIGHT!?' she said 'but that not all... HE'S CAPTURED ZOE QUINN AND IS PROBABLY RAPING HER AS WE SPEAK!'

'i guess i should do something aboot it then' i said

'yeah you should' she said 'don't worry aboot me i'm disguised as some bitch named tenanbomb so the shitlord named andrew ryan can't detect me'

'ok' i said

'one more thing' she said and pulled and took out something from behind her eye and gave it to me.

it was the sword excalibur

'thanks' i said

'remember astrid' she said 'everything is sexist everything is racist everything is homophobic and you have to point it all out'

and sharkeisha left.

I then walked into the medicinal pavillion to fulfill my destiny.

a/n OH MY GODDESS THAT WERE EXCITTING! LET ME KNOW WHAT U THINK!

Message from your best friend and proofreader from England

Hey, Astrid. Listen, I just finished proof reading your... um, story and I just wanted to suggest that maybe you shouldn't be posting this.

No offense, but I also really think you should probably take some English classes or even some writing classes while you're at it. It's not that your story is bad, or anything it's just that it might be a little hard to follow for some people. Plus it would get those misogynistic trolls off your back. Really hope you take this into consideration.

-Carley


	4. chappa 4 all gamers are scum

a/n FUK U CARLEE U BITCH ME SPLELLING ARE GOOD AND SO ARE MY GRAMMAR

i was slicing goddess damn sploicers/gamergators all over the place. then i turned my ham radio cause i felt lonely

'LASS WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN' it was the sexy irish guy atlantis

'kickin' ass and taking names' i said in a super bad ass way

'WHY DID YOU TURN OFF THE GODDAMN RADIO' he yelled

'because i got tired your mansplaining.' i said

'DID YOU GET TO NEPTUNE'S BOUNTY?'

'hey you forgot to turn off capslock'

'oh sorry' he said. 'you need get there in order to reach my familia.'

'the key to the bathysphere is in the boiler room.'

'why in there?' i asked

'better question is why would you rape the story of bioshock?'

'good point' i said 'btw shark- i mean tenanbomb stopped by and gave me excalibur'

'cool but you still to need get to the boiler room' he mansplained

'OMFG STOP PATRIOTNIZING ME YOU SHIT LORD!' i screemed and hung up. i had to get to the boiler room. there were bodies all over the hospital and it was wet and it was gore everywhere and there was ad pictures of shit and there was propaganda voice over intercom mansplaining and there was a muslim 'raping' a little sister but that's okay because it's not rape is a muslim does it.

i walk toward the reception desk then me found audio dairy and played it.

'Dr Steinman said he'd-'

'TL;DL' i said and i turned it off. then i went to the boiler room. that was when i saw locked door to bathyphere to neptune's bounty.

i was stuck so i looked up a walkthrough on Gamefaqs and realized that i need to get the key from the head surgeon dr steinman.

'ok' i said as i made my way to his operating room

then a bunch of misogynistic gamergators (kind of redundant to say that) pop out of the shadows with guns and grenades!

'WE DON'T WANT NO WOMEN GAMING COMMUNITY BECAUSE HE HATE WOMEN AND WANT TO RAPE THEM!'

but i told them to check their privilege but they couldn't and they cried and said they'd go back to 4chan to cry about how they got pwned by a womyn.

then i went to steinman's operating theater.

i gasped as i saw through the window that steinman wasn't operating on patients... HE WAS PLAYING VIDYA GAEMS!

in fact he was playing ultra super mega omega grand theft street fighter 3000xxxtekken7! he was going around beating up hookers and rewarded for it!

that's when i realized that he had vidya all over the walls. he was using dead feminists as bookshelves!

the weird thing about him was that he looked like santa's homeless cousin and was wearing some a t shirt of some shitty obscure metal band and had a beanie on.

'YEAH TAKE THAT WHORES! YEAH FUCK WOMEN! BOTH LITERALLY AND FIGURATIVELY' he yelled triumphantly!

his voice sounded familiar...

that's when i realized again that he wasn't even a surgeon at all...

IT WAS THE SEXIST MISOGYNIST PIG ALPHA OMEGA SIN FROM YOUTUBE!

i gasped and he heard me and turned around.

'what do you want mom? i'll get a job tomorrow, i promise!'

'no i'm not your mother, i'm me' i said

'oh sorry' he said as he paused the game and got up

'the ADAM makes my mind feel blurry i thought i was still in my basement. typical habitat for a gamer.

then he took out a tommy gun and started shooting at me

'HAHAHAHA THIS IS JUST LIKE MY VIDYA GAME FALLOUT 4 THE ACTUALLY GOOD ADDITION!' he roared since he couldn't tell fantasy from reality. Guess Jack Thompson was right.

i dodged the bullets and ran around the room

'HOLD STILL' alpha screamed 'THIS IS EASY I'VE HAD PLENTY OF PRACTICE WITH SHOOTER GAEMS!'

then a sexist bullet shot me in the leg and i fell over.

i looked up at the crazy gamer (again, redundant) and he has foam coming out of his mouth

'NOW I'M FINALLY GONNA GET THAT ACHIEVEMENT!'

i thought i was fucked but then alpha realized that he ran out of ammo'

then, in typical gamer fasion, he threw a tantrum like a child.

'GO AWAY AND MAKE ME A SANDWICH WOMAN!' he screamed

then i got angry and told the bullet in my leg that he had to leave and he apologized and left. me then got up and told alpha to check his privilege.

he looked at confused. probably because, like all gamers, he didn't know how to use his headmeat.

and since be couldn't check privelge then i stole all of his privelege

'GIVE ME BACK MY PRIVILEGE YOU CUM DUMPSTER' he screamed

'no'

'ok how about i give you this key then'

'ok' i said and then we exchanged items

i was about leave when a sudden anger started boiling inside me.

i thought about all of the misogynistic videos he made mocking feminists like my hero anita sharkeisa.

no i thought he's not worth it. but then i thought about how he always said the word 'pitcher' when he meant to say 'picture' and that's when i got out my gun and blew his brains (out lack thereof) out.

'Alpha Omega Sin. More like Beta Omega sin, right?'

then i left and killed some big daddies and freed the little sister and used their adam to get more plasmids.

then i used the key to the bathysphere. then i left.

a/n GUESS ALPHA OMEGA SIN WILL NEVER GAME THE FUCK ON AGAIN!


	5. chappa 5 shit gets real

chapa 5

a/n OMFG ME SOREE CARLY PLES FOR GIV ME ME NEED U TO POVVRED STOREE THANKS!

TIGGER WARMINGS THIS COCAIN MYSOGGYKNEE AN SEXY!

meanwhile in the shitlord named androw ryan 's lair

the shitlord named andrew ryan was playing golf because that's how all greedy capitalist misogynistic straight white cis men scum do when their city is being raped by a strong independent grandiose womyn.

'fuck' he said because he was pretty mad that his city was being raped by a strong independent grandiose womyn. did i mention that she was grandiose?

he saw everything that was going on through security cameras because like all men (except for atlantis of course cause he's sexy) he is a creepy perv. when he looked and saw me slicing god damn gamergators exept for the womyn gamergators be cause as we all know there no such thing as womyn in #gamergate. and saw me kill the misogynistic bro beta omega sin.

'goddam nit' he said while smoking his patriarchal pipe. 'fuk this feminazi cunt wore named astrid erikkson. my gamergators are not match for her. guess i have to sent in the big guns.'

so he when to his control panel and push the intercom

'ATTENTION ALL MEN'S RIGHTS ACTIVISTS A FEMINAZI HAS INFILTRATED RAPTURE! 1,000 SEX SLAVES GO TO THE FIRST ONE TO WHO KILLS ASTRID ERIKKSON'

'YAY!' they say and rushed around trying to find me glad that they might finally get laid buti didn't know that they were coming because i wasn't in this scene lol

he than snickered 'if my alligators can't kill her, my mra's can.'

he then realized that it was time to rape zoe quinn again and he walked over to her where she was tied up and couldn't move because she was tied up.

he loled maniacally 'MUAHAHAHAHHAHAAHA IT'S TIME TO RAPE U THIS WILL TEACH YOU THAT WOMEN ARE NOT ALLOWD IN THE GAMING INDUSTRY!'

'!' she said

and than the shitlord named andrew ryan and all of his #gamergate henchmen took turns raping her while her abusive ex eron gjoni watched while eating popcorn.

a/n REMEMEBER IF U FLAM THIS UR A SOGGYKNEE!

#FuckGamerGate

#GamersAreDead

#FuckYouEronGjoniForStartingGamerGate


	6. chagga 6 mmm steak

chagga 6 mmm steak

a/n me taking some english classes so me can english better. and me are thinging that of this get morr pogular than me might picth the idea to 2K!

I walked out of the bathspear and into Nipton's Bounty. It was smell of rotten fish and dead bodies and blood and it was dark and it were cold and water was lekking through cracks in the class walls and i was hunger and then i walked though hall way.

i went to da restaurant nipton's bouncy and ordered some fish sandwiches. i made sure that they were made frome male (sorry for the dirty language) fishes, since i didn't want to seem like a misogynist toward femyle fishes.

after i ate i realized i didn't have any money so i killed the guy behind the counter. then i wenht to the next room, down some stars and entered the enterance to the cellar.

since the cold forgot to check its privilege i got cold.

'ok lass' said the sexy irish man atlantis 'this leads to the bath where me familia are'

'ok' i said and tried to open it but it was locked so i knock on the dorr with excalibur.

'W-W-W-W-WHAT IS IT!?' a rough voice said

'i'm astrid erikkson' i said ' i need to go throw so i can get to bath.

'W-W-WHY DO YOU NEED BATH FOR!?'

'DO IT MATTER!?' me scream

'YOU BETTER NOT BE WORKING FOR ILLUMINATI OR ME KILL U'

'me not'

'OK FIRST Y-Y-Y-YOU NEED TO DO ME FLAVOR' said the guy

'OH YEAH BECAUSE I'M A WOMAN I HAVE TO BE A MAN'S ERRAND GIRL!'

'p-p-pretty much'

'ok' i said 'what is it'

'I NEED YOU TO GIVE ME PHOTOGRAPHIC EVIDENCE THAT GGGGGG BOTTLED WATER MAKES CHILDREN GAY!'

then i realized that the guy behing the door was none other than alex jones! that mansplains the paranoia.

i then got angry because i remembered all of the crazy conspiracy theories about feminism he'd spew and i took an rpg launcher and blasted the dorr open.

it confirrd my susbitchens it was alex jones and he was wearing a shit of armor made out of tin foil!

'OH NO GET AWAY FEMINAZI ILUUMINATTY SCUM' he screamed and ran away

i chase atfer him because i can and we entered the kellar that was actually a big skating ring.

'LOLOLOLOLOLOL CATCH ME!' alex jones said as he skatted away on scats

me couldn't catch him because i couldn't skate so i learned how to skate and i chased him around the rink. we then started to chase echotherr and i womanaged to catch him and cut his tiny dick off.

he than got angry

'THAT'S IT YOU DESERVE YOUR JAW BROKEN!' and he got his jaw baker and thried to break my jaw with it but didn't break my jaw because i'm a womyn and because i say so

i than grabbed him and through him around and i used fire plastic to melt the ice and i took off my skat and started to beat the shit out of alex jones.

'owwie' he said because he was getting fucked up in case you didn't notice. his legs and arms and back and toes and rib cage (mmm ribs)

and shoulder and skull and jaw (lol irony) and bones and lips and teeth and jowls and stomach and ears and hands and feet and balls and nose and wrists and ankles and chest and ass and organs and toungue and gums and fingernails and fingers and skin and musles and eyebrows and eyes and knees and hair were all broken and he was bleeding a shit load of blood and he was on his hands and knees

i raisined my sword excalibur a said

'any last words u walking dildo'

'PLEASE DON'T KILL ME I SORRY I WON'T MAKE ANY MORE VIDEOS ON INFOWARS EVER AGAIN PLEASE DON'T KILL ME I'M STILL A VIRGIN!'

i rolled my eyes but then i felt something i never felt before. empathy. he was just a sad little delusional man who had no shoulder to cry on. he was alone and scared and just wanted to make videos about bullshit because that's the only thing he has to be proud of.

a tear ran down my cheek.

'ok i won't kill you'

'THANK YOU' jones said

'LOL JK' i said and lit him on fire

'AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!' he screamed

and ran around and than i cut off his head that was still on fire and i shoved a grenade up his body's ass and it exploded. his head was still sceaming so i shot an rpg at it and it exploded two.

'glad that's over' i said but than realized i was still hungry and ate alex jones's remains. um um

'alex i'm home!' said a voice. it was alex jone's secret gay lover paul watson. he just got back from the store and had a bunch of groceries in his arms. but he just saw me.

'where's alex?' he asked me

'oh he went to do another video. want some steak?' i said pointing at the gore on the floor.

'SURE!' he said and we both ate alex jones

a/n WOW THAT LAST PART MADE ME HUNGRY! I'M GONNA GO EAT STEAK BYE HOPE U ENJOYED!


End file.
